Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Goodbye, novelty.

**Thought I'd share a little glimpse from my journal entry yesterday morning.

The novelty is wearing off.

This is how I feel about a couple of situations in life right now.

1) Wes's unemployment. The first two weeks were rather euphoric. Filled with leisurely mornings together, trips to the park, softball games, dreaming about what the future holds, help with the grocery shopping. Doesn't get much better than that. The third week, a hint of restlessness cropped up. By the fourth week, the silver lining on our situation started to turn a shade of gray. With each check of the e-mail and glance at the caller ID, the realization that our dream job offer may not be on the immediate horizon has started to set in.

2) Ministry: I have come up against my own limitations several times lately in our youth ministry. Nothing huge...just frustrating. Whether it be leading a worship song in the completely wrong key (sigh), or fumbling through figuring out how to push my small group toward obedience, I've felt my original enthusiasm wane thin at times.

While the urge to throw in the towel is only minor, the temptation to begin to lose hope hovers just over my head.

Doubts begin to circle. "Who am I to think I have anything to offer? It was naive of me to think that the future was so bright."

This is where drudgery starts to set in. I've been here before.

Today, God reminded me that when drudgery meets dependency, hope is created and renewed.

"If we define the nature of our lives by the mistake of the moment or the defeat of the hour or the boredom of the day, we will define it wrongly. We need roots in the past to give obedience ballast and breadth; we need a vision of the future to give obedience direction and goal. And they must be connected...For Christian faith cannot be comprehended by examining an Instamatic flash picture which has caught a pose of beauty or absurdity, ecstasy or terror; it is a full revelation of a vast creation and a grandly consummated redemption. Obedience is doing what God tells us to do in it." A Long Obedience, pp. 169, 170

Goodbye, novelty. Hello, dependency.

And hope.


livingpalm said...

you are beautifully broken, little sister...

Infarrantly Creative said...

i love that, thanks for sharing, will be praying for you. I HAVE SO BEEN THERE, except for the unemployment. I do understand the transition difficulty. It is so hard.